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Share Your World 1 February 2021

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Here are my answers to this weeks Share Your World questions from Sparks

QUESTIONS:

If the government offered to suspend all laws, and law enforcement for 24 hours, letting you (and everybody else) do whatever you wish… Would you be in favor of it, or not?  (Credit for this question goes to Cyranny and her Daily Quickie Question)

Well it would be great to be able to get away with murder. There are one or two people I know in this world that should not be allowed to live for their own sake and for the sake of others and I although I probably wouldn’t take it upon myself to do the dirty deed I would not be averse to hiring somebody else to do so. The executions would definitely benefit the country and the world. Of course other evil crimes would be committed and those offenders would get off scot free. Crimes are committed every day. Offenders get off scot free every day. So for just one day to have lawlessness only to go back to order the next? It could work. Look how we recover from war which is a kind of lawlessness isn’t it?

What would be the creepiest thing you could say while passing a stranger on the street? (We’re suspending the whole social distancing and Covid involvement in this scenario)

I know what you did and I know where you live.

As a child, what did you think would be great about being an adult, but isn’t as great as you thought it would be?

As I child I thought it would be wonderful to be in charge of my own life, choose a career and earn my own money. All these things have come to fruition and I prefer adulting to being a child. Of course it is not as glamerous as I imagined and the selfish lifestyle I envisioned didn’t quite turn out that way as I had to consider the needs of husband, kids and grandkids but all in all it’s been pretty darn good being an adult. I wouldn’t change a thing.

What, in your opinion, has been blown way out of proportion?

Lots of things are blown out all proportion. People thrive on sensationalism. What the media makes an issue of is usually best ignored in my humble opinion. If everybody is making a fuss about it I tend to just ignore it. Blow it out of proportion and the problem will try to live up to its undeserved reputation.

Gratitude Section (Optional as always)

Where is your ‘happy’ place?  

My happy place is without question the Kruger National Park. Any game reserve will do it for me but Kruger is the ultimate. The minute I enter Malelane Gate I enter an ecstatic state which does not leave me until I leave.

A Judge Decided – Review 3

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Thank you Priscilla Beeton for this review

BOOK REVIEW

Helen Fenwick (2021) A Judge Decided. 

Struisbaai: Self-published.

289 pages

A Judge Decided is Helen Fenwick’s first published novel. Although written as a work of fiction, it is based on a true story of a custody battle that culminated in the first court case in South Africa challenging the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction. This states that one parent may not remove a child to another country without the other parent’s consent and allows for the expeditious return of that child to their country of habitual residence.

Leigh and Darren, a young married couple, move to Britain where their two sons are born. Darren is unreasonably demanding of his exhausted and depressed young wife who is striving to cope with two babies both under two years old while continuing to do office work for him. He is constantly undermining Leigh’s confidence with psychological abuse, threats of divorce and of taking away one of her babies and sending her back to South Africa. She, understandably, flees home to South Africa to her father and stepmother, taking both babies with her. Citing the Hague Convention, Darren fights through the British courts for the babies’ return to Britain, with or without their mother. This is the story of Leigh’s valiant fight through the South African courts to keep her babies with her in South Africa.

Helen Fenwick has written the novel largely in the present tense, which swiftly builds suspense. She has succeeded in making the reader feel the events are happening right now and the reader is also swiftly caught up in the rapidly changing emotion of the characters. She has skillfully avoided the trap of including the banal and unimportant detail into which some authors writing in the present tense fall.  She has done this in part by using another interesting tool. In italicized passages to set them apart from the narrative, she uses the ghostly but benevolent interpositions of Leigh’s mother, who died when Leigh was twelve years old, to provide background and to warn the reader that something bad or alarming is about to happen. The entire family, including Leigh’s much-loved and supportive stepmother, often feel or sense her comforting spiritual presence. The story, sensitively written, is told through the eyes of Leigh and her family members, through their conversations and e-mail correspondence, to which the reader can easily relate.  The reader sees Leigh’s growing confidence, with the support and empathy of her family, to become a young mother taking charge of her own and her sons’ future.  

Divorce and child custody battles can be ugly.  Although fictionalized, there is much in this book that would be useful reading and advice for young parents in troubled relationships and also for their families – advice about the importance of striving to solving the breakdown of relationships, of seeking professional help and also how important it is to fight for one’s rights. Above all, this book demonstrates the importance of a loving and supportive family. A Judge Decided is a powerful family story, filled with suspense as the reader follows the events unfolding around the custody battles which finally end in the decision of a judge in the Supreme Court of Appeal in Bloemfontein. It is a roller-coaster of a ride, high elation one moment and alarm, fear and despondency the next as the reader wonders who is finally going to win this war and at what cost.

A compelling read which, once started, is almost unput-downable! Well done, Helen Fenwick, on your debut novel! I truly hope there will be more.

Priscilla Beeton

22 January 2021

Stream of consciousness Saturday – The Beginning, The End

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I have not participated in this challenge for a few months. Time to get back into it! The brief from Linda.J.Hill is as follows:-

“Your prompt for #JusJoJan and Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “the beginning, the end.” Write about the beginning of something and the end of  something. Bonus points if your first sentence contains “the end” and your last sentence contains “the beginning.” <– Read that again. Have fun!“

The end came after many years. I am talking about a series of events that led the author to write a novel. Every story needs a good beginning and a satisfactory end. But where does one begin. How does one start to explain how it all came about, which characters to include and how each individual’s involvement influenced the ultimate outcome. Creating order out of the chaos of events, trying to be objective, suppressing emotions, forgetting then remembering bits of detail that are crucial to the story. Then the first awful draft is done, put away to rest, brought out again because the story is still not done, its course changing as the years fly by. Something is taken out something else is added, the whole manuscript is reworked then put down to rest again. Will it ever end?

After several years the pressing on the heart becomes more intense; the story bursting to be released. So once again work begins and a completely new version of the truth is written and completed until the book is finally in the author’s hands. The characters live within the covers forever, the story reveals the secrets, no longer hidden from the world. That is the end of the story but marketing it to the reading public is only at The Beginning.

A Judge Decided Review 2

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Thanks to Yolandi Reiche for her review of my book, “A Judge Decided”

Anyone looking for a nailbiting courtroom saga should definitely put this novel at the top of their reading list. It was first published in 2020 and is 290 pages long.

The novel begins with the character of Carey, who narrates throughout the book and lends a somewhat nostalgic, yet interesting twist to the tale. All the characters are realistically portrayed and completely relatable. It speaks of the realities of a blended family, raising children together, and the obsticles one has to overcome. My favourite character has to be Penny, who comes across as a very wise lady who through her kindness and empathy keeps her family stable during all the trials and tribulations.

The novel centers around a young mother, Leigh’s, fight to protect and keep her two young sons from her narcisistic husband, by fleeing their country of birth. A court battle for custody of the boys then ensues. The content of which will keep the reader on the edge of their seat.

I really enjoyed the intrigue and suspense of this novel and could not put it down until the end.

Yolandi Reiche

A Judge Decided – Review 1

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As most of my regular readers know I have written a book, my first, at the ripe old age of sixty-eight.

The story, “A Judge Decided” is a fictionalised version of true events. At the moment it is only available in Paperback and by ordering directly from me. fenwickh@jebomail.co.za

If you live in Cape Town collection from Sun Valley and Plumstead can be arranged. Residents or visitors to Struisbaai can obtain copies from Agulhas PrintIt, Struisbaai Stationers, Shipwreck Cafe, The Information Centre or from Potpourri in Agulhas.

Delivery to other parts of the country can be arranged usually via Paxi. Just drop me an email.

I hope to produce an ebook at a later stage.

In the meantime I will post reviews on my blog to help promote the paperback.

A JUDGE DECIDED – A LITERARY EVALUATION by Pierre Massyn

Child custody – a topic often avoided, but when discussed, one that inevitably leads to heated debate; a controversial subject since King Solomon and his verdict on the rightful custodian of the disputed child.

Families are known, not only to divide, but to split because of the issue of child custody. Now Helen Fenwick examines in depth this contentious topic in her gripping new book, A judge Decided.

Written with circumspection and great sensitivity, Fenwick deftly interweaves other underlying issues of parent separation and third party involvement.

A Judge Decided is not only a remarkable legal case study based on true events, it exposes the human face of the dramatis personae in a deteriorating relationship.  In her groundbreaking work, Fenwick casts the reader into the roles of parents and children alike –  the latter caught between two counter poles. Central to the sub-plot of a husband substituting his loyal wife for another woman, is the presence of a mother pining for her children.

Written in the present tense, the book is refreshingly candid and characterised by  rare-found honesty, expressed in engaging dialogue between the characters.

Always hovering in the background, in another dimension,  is Leigh’s mother – her spirit guide who acts as mentor and counselor. Carey appears in the form of a bird – a heron, a sparrow, an owl –  to comfort both Leigh and Penny.

The author successfully portrays and explains bewilderingly legal issues, such as custody of the central character’s children in a disarmingly honest way. Her style is loose and pragmatic, and she paints her narrative in a flowing and easy way.  Enshrined in  the issue of custody, is The Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction, Act 72 of 1996. Helen Fenwick not only untangles this complex legal web, but presents it to the critical reader in a palatable and credible way.  

At the risk of spoiling the reader’s potential enjoyment of this excellent work, I shall restrict myself to saying that the tension builds up palpably up to the point where the judge finally has to give his verdict. Will the forces of good prevail?

The print and layout is pleasing and attractive and Eloise Krige’s Sonop Uitgewers deserves a commendation for a job well done.

In conclusion:  A book dealing with the topic of A Judge Decided is long overdue and will be thoroughly appreciated by parents and individuals of all ages world-wide. Rating: *****

Share Your World 25 January 2021

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Here are my answers to this week’s Share Your World from Sparks

Is it necessary to trust someone you like?  (friends, acquaintances or co-workers with whom you have no familial ties)

It all depends on what you are trusting them with. You can like a person you don’t trust and you can trust a person you don’t like. For example I employ a young man in my garden and he does an amazing job but he needs careful supervision because of an addiction problem he has. I like him but I don’t trust him. There are plenty of people I like very much but I can’t depend on them to perform the smallest task. Then there are those who would give up their lives for me and I can trust them completely. Sometimes we need to trust people we don’t like. You might not like a hard-hearted surgeon with a horrible bedside manner that but he is excellent at his job so you have to trust him in order to live.

Do you hold grudges?   What do you do when someone really irritates you?

No. I move on. But that does not mean I have anything to do with a person who has wronged me. I cut toxic people out of my life and completely forget about them.

I think I handle irritating people properly but apparently I don’t. Once, at one of those ‘wildlife rescue places’, the guide was trying to convince the tourists that it was not cruel to keep animals in captivity. I asked a few questions, very politely I thought, but afterwards my grandkids said my contempt was obvious. Really? Me contemptuous? Never!

What’s the most sensible thing you’ve heard someone say?

Don’t worry about the things you cannot change.

Is crying a sign of weakness or strength in adults? 

Crying is an expression of emotion. What brings some to tears might not have the same effect on others. It should never be seen as weakness when somebody cries. The best thing to do when somebody cries is to cry along with them.

GRATITUDE SECTION  (Always Optional)

What small things were you grateful for this week?

A call from a far-away-friend – we spoke for three hours!

I am also grateful that I live in this wonderful place at the tip of Africa where even the stingrays come to visit.

Lets go get some fish from that kind fisherman
Thank you for the pats, kids but just stay clear of my tail.
Oooh that fish was lovely

Share Your World 18 January 20

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Here are my answers to this week’s Share Your World from Sparks

Why do we dream?

I believe that our minds are free during the dream state. This can cause us to be receptive to a calling or answers to problems that we would ignore during our wakeful state. I had particularly vivid dreams before getting back to writing my book. All these dreams indicated that I should ‘complete something I’d started’ or that a project needed to come to fruition and that it would be successful.

Do you think a person’s name influences the person they become?

It could do. When I was growing up it did not help you to fit in if you had a strange or unacceptable name! I was teased mercilessly about my Greek surname, However, I was proud of it and the teasing only helped to toughen me up and to ignore kids who were mean. These days kids seem to be far more accepting of strange names. I was once very worried that the Grade Ones in my class would pack up laughing when they heard the name of a new child I was about to introduce to them. They didn’t flicker – simply greeted her by her odd name and welcomed her to the class! I don’t know why I was so surprised as most of them had ‘odd’ names too.

A famous name can also help or hinder you in life, I suppose. If your parents are known as high achievers it might be expected of you to follow suit. On the other hand you could totally rebel against your famous name. It all depends on how you handle your circumstances doesn’t it.

Imagine living up to this name! It hasn’t been easy.

Does hardship make a person stronger?  (example:  What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger)

I honestly believe in most cases it does. On the other hand if the hardship is really bad it could be permanently damaging to that person. Post Traumatic Stress is not to be sneezed at.

In my own life I have found that when we as a family were going through tough times it drew us closer together and definitely made us stronger.

Why do we judge ourselves by our intentions, but judge others by their actions?

Well, we plan for things to work out a certain way and when it doesn’t we make excuses otherwise we would beat ourselves up with guilt and go into a deep depression. But when other people’s actions impact on us we just can’t see why. Understanding things from another’s point of view is not easy and requires a lot of work. It is just easier to judge than to understand. But when you really know somebody else’s story then you understand why they act the way they do.

GRATITUDE SECTION  (Always Optional)

Feel free to share some gratitude in the form of images, photos or writing.  Thanks! 

Share Your World 12 January 2021

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This week, Sparks asks some interesting questions. Here are my answers.

What should you get rid off, that would make your new year better, and why? (Don’t say Covid-19, we all want to get rid of the dang virus)   I snagged this question from another blogger, but failed to note who thought it up.  My apologies!  I KNOW better than to trust my memory any more.  If it’s your question and you’d like credit, please let me know!  Great question too, in my opinion!

(I added this question after leaving it only realising it after I published.)

Well the stuff I should get rid of is packed neatly away in a deep dark cupboard. There’s a coffee maker that I never use and several other broken electronic things. It’s just not the kind of stuff you can throw in the bin. It must be useful to someone and I need to make the effort to advertise it on some site or other.

Anybody out there want my coffee machine?

What’s the most daring thing you’ve ever done?

I gave 24 hours notice before I had another job to go to. At the time I was a single mother and I needed to pay the rent and put food on the table! I was unemployed for three months before I got another job but I managed on my minimal maintenance and meagre savings. It was the best thing I could have done. It gave me time to spend really good quality time with my child and to fix my broken spirit. My next post was awesome.

I think resigning from a job is risky. How do you know you’ll find another one? The next time I needed to resign from a post I was older, wiser and a lot more confident. I also had a husband who could support me if I didn’t find another job so it was not quite as risky as the first time I was so bold. But still it was scary. I would not recommend flippantly quitting your job until you find something else. Perhaps I’m in the fortunate position of having a career that is a calling and not a job. And those calls usually come via the telephone – “We urgently need a teacher – are you available?”

Actually come to think of it – it’s pretty daring being a teacher.

Does your family have a “motto” – spoken or unspoken?

We all have our burdens to bear and in our family there have been many things we’ve had to deal with but we face our problems head on and try not to feel sorry for ourselves. My kids are used to me saying things like, “There is always somebody worse off than you and whatever is going on in your life it won’t be forever. You will get over it.”

On a scale of 1-10 how funny would you say you are?  (this does not mean ‘smell’ or looks; because this is a judgment free blog!) 

This can be interpreted as being humorous or being strange. I think I’m a bit of both. I have been told that I’m crazy and I’m proud of that. Sometimes I say things that make people laugh and they say I always cheer them up. But actually I’m being perfectly serious – I have no idea why I make them laugh. I suppose I’ll give myself a 6 for this one.

GRATITUDE SECTION

Tell everyone something that you found personally lifted your spirits!  

Watching the birds in my garden always lifts my spirits.

Cape Sugar birds and double-collared sunbird

Share Your World – Monday 28 December 2020

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The last Share your World for 2020 – Here are my answers

QUESTIONS

Pick three words to describe this past year.   (please keep them PG. Thanks).

Weird Challenging Frightening

What were the best books you read this year?   Or the best movie you saw? 

“Becoming” by Michelle Obama – loved this inspirational book.

“Eve’s War” by Evelyn Shillington. I really enjoy stories about World War II when they’re written from the civilian point of view. I found this diary very interesting and it gave me fresh respect for how ordinary people coped in very trying times. Our grandparents and great-grandparents did not complain, they simply ‘did their bit’ and supported each other through great hardship. Coping with COVID is not half as stressful and we have so much to help us through it.

“The Louder I will sing” by Lee Lawrence – Another inspirational story about a young boy who witnessed his mother being shot during a police raid of their home. He and his family suffered greatly as a result of this but he rose above it, took care of his mother and fought for an apology and compensation after her death. It’s an awesome story.

On a lighter note – “I’m just a Teenage Punchbag” by Jackie Clune really made me laugh. It’s a book that does not end the way you would expect. Just loved it!

My best movie is “The Life of Pi” – but I watched it on an aeroplane last year. I read the book years ago and have seen the film two or three times but I only really ‘got’ it this time. It is deep!

Because there was lots of time for looking inward, what is one big personal lesson you learned this past year?

You never know what might happen. A rumour that you dismiss as nonsense could well turn out to be true. Sometimes the unbelievable becomes a reality.

Do you think Covid has strengthened or weakened societal bonds?

Social bonds have weakened. It isn’t easy to connect with friends and colleagues. Children have not been able to connect with their friends because there has been no sport, no playdates and no attending school. We are all social distancing and keeping in touch via social media is just not the same.

But it hasn’t been all bad. Families have spent more time together and given each other support. Some kids have enjoyed online school and have become more focussed on their education.

Coping with this pandemic has its positives and negatives. It’s harder for some than others but in the end this too shall pass.

GRATITUDE SECTION (Optional of course):

I am grateful that my daughter tested negative for COVID. I am grateful to be surrounded by all my children and grandchildren over the holiday season in spite of the restrictions that are now in place in South Africa. We are fortunate to be in a safe place where we can still enjoy each other.

Some family bonding

What is a New Year’s Wish You’d Like To Share With the World?

May the New Year bring an end to this Pandemic and may the world have the wisdom and strength to do what they need to do to flatten the curve. May 2021 have us all adapting positively to a new normal.

A Pandemic Christmas in Plettenberg Bay

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In spite of the pandemic’s efforts to cancel Christmas, it came anyway. For many, it was not the usual happy affair with friends and family. Closed borders and travel restrictions prevented many from travelling even a short distance to be with their loved ones. Then there were those who due to illness or fear of catching or spreading the virus had to spend their Christmas day in isolation.

Our family were among the fortunate who were able to be together to celebrate. Only our eldest daughter was unable to join us due to being unwell. We don’t think it’s COVID but she did not feel well enough to travel from Cape Town to Plettenberg Bay and also did not want to risk infecting anybody in case it is.

Our youngest daughter and her nephews travelled up together on Christmas Eve. As is our current custom we are spending the holidays with the Plettenberg Bay branch of the family. The Garden Route is a Covid hotspot. The beaches are closed and we are in any case avoiding crowds and public gatherings. Being 18 km out of town helps us to be as isolated as possible.

Christmas Eve pre-dinner drinks in the garden
Great to be together again

Christmas day was delightful. It was sunny and warm and we started with good coffee and a delicious breakfast of fruit salad and yogurt followed by scrambled eggs and bacon.

Christmas morning – Mom and middle daughter

This year we kept things simple and did Secret Santa. Each of us drew a name and had only to buy for that person. A limit of how much to spend was set. BUT the grandparents are natural rule breakers and in addition to the person we drew we got a gift pack for each grandchild! Yes, I know they’re too old for this now but it’s a hard habit to give up! I promise this is the last year we’ll do it. After all the youngest is already 16!

The Tree
Morning coffee to start the day
The new kitten ready to help hand out the gifts
Youngest grandson calling all to attention – Time to hand out the Secret Santa Gifts
“I can’t believe it – this is exactly what I asked Santa for!”
What can it be?
Thank you Secret Santa!
Grandson number 2 helping with gift distribution
I know this is from you, Gran! I already got my Secret Santa gift!
Grandson Number 1 loves to cook Asian – Santa brought him a book/DVD and ingredients!
Pre-dinner soccer game
Ending up in the pool
Christmas Lunch Table
Hosting Family

Lunch was delicious. It was almost 4 o’clock when we sat down to it. Lauren roasted beef and gammon, I did the roast veggies, Laurie made a Greek and Shan did a delicious gravy. There was Christmas Pudding to follow but we were all too full and promised to have it later in the day. But by nine o’clock we were still in no mood for more than a Dom Pedro (made with Amarula and Ice Cream) to end the day. I did not take a photo but the one below from the internet is fairly similar to what we had.