JusJoJan – Family – 29 January 2024

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What a great word Kim has given us for JusJoJan today. 

My father often explained to me that you could choose your friends but not your family. Even if a family member upsets you, you’re still related, and unless you want to cause a feud you have to deal with the problem. This is of course not easy and in some cases, it is sometimes better to cut ties with a toxic member of your family. Luckily, in my case, I have never had to do that!

You certainly can’t choose the family that you are born into but later in your life, you may have to join another family too. You can choose your spouse but you can’t choose his/her family! Sometimes these relationships can be tricky. Then there might be divorce, and when there is, you might completely cut ties with the inlaws, or you might have formed such a close bond with them that you don’t! 

My husband and I were both married to other people before. He was widowed and I was divorced. I kept in touch with my ex-family and The Earl kept in touch with his late wife’s family and of course I adopted them all, or rather they adopted me! I consider them all as family just as much as I do my own blood family.

The thing about family, is love them or hate them, the bonds are strong! It is very difficult to turn your back on somebody who has the same bloodline as you. Even an estranged brother would not hesitate to donate a kidney to a sibling – unless he was really cold-hearted! 

Family resemblance is another thing that is fascinating. When I first saw a photograph of my brand new great nephew, I said, “You know what – I recognize this child!” I seldom see my great nieces and great nephews but when I do there is an instant connection. I don’t know if they feel it but I certainly do! 

There is something in my side of the family that we must all have in common but I can’t see it. My daughter was identified as part of our family by a complete stranger who had never met her before. ”You look like them,” she was told!

Growing up I had a very close bond with all my first cousins. We drifted apart as adults but were always delighted to see each other at family gatherings – usually weddings or funerals! My siblings and I produced our first children within six months of each other and then their second and third were born close together too. So we were able to raise our kids together and what a close bond those children had with each other. For us as parents it was great to have the support of our siblings too. It certainly brought us closer together.

My dad’s side of the family that my daughter is supposed to resemble. The five of us were particularly close.
L to R Little sister, Me, Big Brother, Cousin L (RIP) Cousin P (RIP)
My father (RIP), my mother (RIP) and BabyBrother – some years laater!
My daughter as a teen when she was recognised as being a member of my father’s family. I think it must be the Greek look.

JusJoJan – Congregate – 28 January 2024

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We are coming to the end of January so there are just a few more daily prompts for this challenge left. I have contributed most days and hope to continue till the end! Today’s word, ‘congregate‘ comes from Fandango.

It’s human nature to congregate in small or large crowds. Often similar people congregate together. You will often find that expats from the same country will congregate together, at church and clubs, or even live in the same neighbourhood. We also tend to gather in groups where everyone has a common interest and that is why ‘clubs’ are formed. The word congregation is used to describe a group of people in a church and of course, they congregate because of their common faith.

The instinct to gather together with like-minded people probably came about for survival reasons as strong bonds are formed and people learn to work cooperatively. This can be an advantage but if taken to extreme it can lead to those who don’t quite fit in being shunned. This happens in certain sects where you could be excommunicated if you do not obey the leaders or question their doctrines. 

I am usually not one who likes to be in large crowds of people, preferring smaller groups of friends at a time. But gathering in a very large crowd can be great fun. I did not grow up going to rock concerts and thought I would definitely not enjoy it. However, when I went to one I was thoroughly caught up in the excitement and joined in the dancing, cheering, and singing along with everybody else. Being amongst other people can change your mood and your attitude to some things.

Many people were traumatised during the Covid Pandemic as they were not able to congregate with others. Their mental health was affected and some are still suffering anxiety since that time. On the day that we were all allowed out to exercise for a limited time, the streets in my town were crowded with friends meeting and greeting after such a long time of isolation. The relief was tangible. 

Now that things are virtually back to normal some companies are still encouraging their employees to work from home. This can be both a good and a bad thing. I have two daughters who have this privilege. One loves it and goes into the office as seldom as possible. The other goes in as often as possible as she really misses the interaction with people. I really believe there should be a good balance between the two and that if you don’t go into the office at all you need to make some time to gather with people. For working parents working online can be awesome. Most people say they are way more productive when they have this option.

This past weekend we had six Air BnB guests to stay. That for us, is quite a congregation! But what fun we had as they were fishermen and therein lay the common ground! They opted to share meals with us and they provided the fish and I did the sides! Congregating with like-minded people is the best!

A congregation of fishing kids – Two brothers and friends, a friend and girlfriends – Dad not in the pic

JusJoJan24 – Make the Call – 27 January 2024

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Here is my contribution to the joint challenge of Stream of Consciousness Saturday and Just Jot It January.

The prompt today is, Make the Call. 

So often in our lives, we have to make the call. A problem is presented to us and it’s up to us to decide what to do, who to choose, where to go and the list goes on. 

We’re getting on in years. We have to make our money last if we want to live comfortably in our old age. Each time an opportunity presents itself that requires spending a bit of money it means we have to weigh up the pros and cons and make the call to bite the bullet and do it or save the money for a rainy day. 

Using money wisely always requires one to make the right call many times in one’s life. The Earl has always been the main breadwinner while I brought in the extra cash for the little luxuries in life. When we made an extra-big outlay for something he would always quantify it in how many contracts he would have to complete to pay for it! There are no more contracts now, so more careful consideration must take place before making the call!

I am grateful that we have been able to enjoy many adventures and wonderful experiences over the years but we still don’t want to stop having fun. It’s easy to say, you can’t take it with you so spend it now! Make the call and just spend the kids’ inheritance. Oh yes – the trouble is, the longer you live the more you need, so you have to consider the consequences of digging into your reserves. Spend too much on a world cruise and starve for the rest of your life. So, no that is not going to be an option. But perhaps a little 10-day cruise on the Mediterranean? It might just be manageable if we live frugally for the next few months. We need to make the call – to the MSC and book!

Earl! You have to actually make the call!

JusJoJan24 – Atrocious – 26 January 2024

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Today’s prompt word for JusJoJan is atrocious and comes from Jemima

I was hoping for a prompt word that would enable me to use an experience I had yesterday and today. It’s quite atrocious that I am manipulating the prompt so that I can write about this in today’s challenge. 

My daughter is visiting and working online and yesterday was just settling down to tackle the morning’s tasks when she spotted something atop the braai chimney! 

“Mom,” she yelled. ”Come quickly!” Dad was still reclining in bed while I was loading the washing machine. I knew it could only be a special bird that the daughter was yelling about so I dropped everything and grabbed the camera from its place on the workstation counter, and there staring straight at me was a beautiful spotted eagle-owl.

We have had this bird visitor our garden before and we have wished for it to return but it has been at least a year since last it graced us with its presence. So imagine our joy when it decided to stay for the whole day and only flew off in the evening to hunt for its dinner.

This morning she was back and she was not alone. A smaller owl was with her and was probably the male as he is usually a bit smaller.

During the day both were about but the female went while the male remained till dusk.

We have cats who visit every day and it was so amusing to observe how the owl reacted to Mike as he climbed over the wall. The owl considered that the cat was quite atrocious invading the garden that he had claimed as his own. The cat of course just totally ignored him but I wondered if like the owl and the pussy cat they might become friends! What an atrocious thought – they did not even try! The owl hissed at the cat and the cat stalked off to find smaller prey!

The owl also considered our birdbath a rather fun place to visit and enjoyed a nice long drink. 

We just hope these lovely creatures decide that our garden is a friendly place and that they will continue to make themselves at home here. We don’t think that will be too atrocious at all.

Share Your World 22 January 2024

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Here are my answers to this week’s questions

1.  Do you find yourself smiling at people for no apparent reason?

Yes, I do smile at people for no reason. Usually, they smile back.


2.  If someone smiles at you in the street, do you return it?

Yes, I absolutely do.


3.  Do you feel comfortable on a crowded street?

It depends on the street and what I’m doing on it. I avoid going to cities that are notorious for crime or if I do I don’t go at night. However the crowded streets of exotic paces really excite me.


4.  Would you prefer a walk in the woods, a walk on the beach, or a walk around a town seeing the sights?

I like walking anywhere. Walking around town and seeing the sights is great when travelling. I walk a great deal where I live because it is a small place and seldom necessary to take the car. We have a long, white, sandy beach which is great to walk along. Walking in the bush is great because of the possibility of seeing creatures.

JusJoJan Mood – 22 January 2024

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Today’s prompt for JusJoJan is mood and it comes from Dar.

A mood is a temporary state of mind or feeling and many factors can affect the mood we are in at any given moment. If one has a healthy Emotional Intelligence, one can recognise and manage one’s moods and also know how to deal with the moods of others.

I taught at a school where we were encouraged to look out for children who had difficulties with their emotions and moods, to consider the causes when dealing with them, and to help them manage their reactions to their moods too. 

Every morning as the children filed into the classroom each greeted the teacher with a show of fingers. Four fingers meant – “I am feeling great.” Three fingers meant – “I am okay.” Two fingers meant – ”I am not so great’ and 1 finger meant – “I am going to cry.”

This system helped the teacher to understand why a child would be distracted or acting up. There was no pressure on the child to say why they were feeling a certain way but they could choose to discuss things with the teacher, ask for a care circle, or ask to see the school counselor. 

We had care circles where the children could share anything with the class – just their news or anything that was bothering them and then their classmates could offer comfort or solutions. Things like – my hamster died, my dad’s gone on a business trip and I miss him. Granny is in hospital. I had a fight with my sister. The sharing really helped and made for a bonded class. A child could ask for a care circle at any time and usually after break, we would have one to settle disputes that occurred during play! Anyone who wanted to speak held a teddy bear and nobody was allowed to interrupt until the teddy was passed to her. The children loved care circle time and many issues were thrashed out during this time and the children usually ended up finding solutions with very little input from the teacher.  

You might think that all this would take time but it was time well-spent. The children knew that they were understood and cared for not only by the teacher but by their peers as well and this reduced bullying to a great degree. 

I found that most of the children would enter the classroom with four fingers and the ever-cheerful ones even went as high as 10! Then there were the melancholics who were always a two and would express something very minor as the cause. I would say something sympathetic and then ask if there was something else at that moment that could make them a three. After a little thinking, the answer would be something like – I’m a three because I‘m at school, or after school I have a playdate with my best friend, or it’s swimming during phy ed today. Often another child would take the sad one in hand and cheer her up.

Mental health at all ages is very important. We should never dismiss moodiness as just a bad personality trait. As we grow older we should also not ignore mood swings. There are many causes including, dementia, menopause, ill health, and poor diet. When one is retired and no longer in a regular routine of work, exercise, and diet, one can let things slip and drink too much, eat too many treats, and even take in too much coffee! All these will affect mood! If we keep busy, eat correctly, and do a little exercise and still have mood swings, we should seek help straight away.

JusJoJan – Plant – 21 January 2024

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Today’s prompt word for JusJoJan is plants and it comes from J-Dub,

I am quite sure I annoy plants. But it’s not my fault. I really try to get them to grow in my garden and to be fair some of them oblige but others no matter how nicely I speak to them simply do not comply with my wishes. 

I mean how hard can it be for a tomato to grow in a lovely fertile vegetable patch with a sturdy frame to climb on? And yet it yells – no – I don’t like this spot and drops a few rotten fruits and then expires!

Then when I am far from home, out in the bush, and even in the desert, there are plants all over the place mocking me. Nobody feeds or waters them yet there they are in all their beautiful glory creating a wonderful display. Sometimes there isn’t a grain of soil in sight and yet a tree will be sprouting from a rock! 

Seriously?

Then take my lawn – why oh why with all the money spent on it won’t the grass grow lush and green where I want it. Oh no, instead it sprouts up through the paving cracks and even on the tar road! 

I swear plants have minds of their own. We have friends who live on an eco estate and they’re not allowed to garden. The ‘garden’ they have is all-natural, not planted by an interfering homo sapien and it is beautiful. There is no lawn so there is no mowing either. I can’t quite leave my garden to do its own thing here but I do make sure I put in indigenous plants and luckily most of them do well because they thrive on neglect. So perhaps I should give up on the lawn and let the wildflowers take over!

JusJoJan and Stream of Consciousness Saturday – In a Nutshell – 20 January 2024

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Today two challenges are combined and the prompt is In a Nutshell.

To put it in a nutshell sounds so brief, neat, and smug!  To be able to explain something concisely in very few words leaving no doubt as to the meaning is an art I have not mastered. If you can do that then you must be a left-brained, clear thinker. I am neither of those things and words tend to tumble from my mouth at a rapid rate and with a great deal of animation and expression. I am more likely to over-express rather than put it clearly, snugly, and smugly in a nutshell.

So in a nutshell – don’t ask me to be brief.

JusJoJan – Tenacious – 19 January 2024

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Thank you, Cheryl for providing the JusJoJan challenge word, tenacious, today.

I like the word tenacious. It’s a strong word and screams of character. It conjures up a vision of a person who is together, determined and has all her ducks in a row. The tenacious person is ready to face any challenge presented to her and will not give up when the going gets tough.

People in history who had tenacity are the likes of Churchill, Edison, Madame Curie, the list goes on. Would we have the light bulb if Edison had not persevered with his inventions?  Would Britain have won the war if it were not for the tenacious Churchill who would never give up! In fact, it was the tenacity of all players that meant there was victory at the end.

Can tenacity be taught or is it a character trait that one is born with? Probably a bit of both. It certainly can be encouraged. 

There is, of course, a bad side to tenacity if it causes one to be stubborn or obsessive. Not letting go of a bad idea can be very destructive. After some time, if what one is doing is causing distress or harm, then one should surely stop and find something else to be tenacious about. 

A tenacious person should also be careful of resisting change and I find this to be the case with many of us tenacious old fogies! Let’s try to be flexible and have a balance between being tenacious and knowing when to let go,

Thus ends today’s lesson!

JusJoJan Despair 18 January 2024

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Despair is the prompt word for JusJoJan today. Thank you Carol Anne for your suggestion.

The dictionary defines despair as ‘complete loss or absence of hope.’ Now, I am a very optimistic and positive person and yet I use that word carelessly quite often, and when one does that it takes the true meaning away. 

So many people are in despair, unable to do anything about their circumstances and my heart goes out to them. Think of all the war-torn countries in our world and how desperate those people must be. Here in South Africa, there are too many people living in poverty with little hope of dragging themselves out of it. But here I am, full of privilege using that word so lightly.

I despair of getting my husband to remember to put on his hearing aids without being prompted. Really? Just nag and it will be done! 

I am a fixer! I like to think that I can make everything right, You have a problem? I can fix it. But when my ‘fix’ doesn’t work for you, I despair! I need to learn to let people solve their own problems! After all, they’re just tiny ones compared to the desperate situations others find themselves in.

I can’t solve the world’s problems. I can’t fight in wars. I can’t end world hunger. But I can provide support in small ways in my own world where people are in despair – or think they are!

What amazed me is how some very privileged people I know seem to despair quite often and are weighed down with stress and worry while others who are truly in dire circumstances put on a brave face, get on with it, and don’t lose hope at all. They meet the challenges head-on, make a plan, and deal with their problems as best they can. It’s people like that who I like to support and give as much assistance to as I am able. 

In a small way, we can all make the world a better place if we just show kindness and help each other instead of being destructive with words and actions. 

What I really despair about is the powers that be – not only in my own country but in most others too. It seems that power is more destructive than anything else. It seems to me that too many governments are corrupt to the core. What does that say about us, the voters? Why are we allowing ourselves to be ruled by criminals and madmen? 

Elections are looming in 64 countries around the world. That means 49% of the world’s population will be going to the polls. Will they make a difference and end world despair?